My toxic life

Breakfast on Day3

It dawned on me today how I got to this point. Funny how slow moving things like kids getting taller, extended family getting older, and weight gain just sneaks up on us. Memories from when I did this as a teenager have been flooding back to me over the past few days, and It amazes me how unaware I was of the 'right' things I was doing during and after my first fast. I'm not a nutritionalist by any means, but my knowledge of food, particularly what my body likes (and doesn't) is far superior now than when it was at 15. But even so, I've let myself get to a point (health wise) where I've often felt unmotivated to do anything. I've of course gone through phases of fitness and small changes to my diet, but nothing to curb the metabolic issues I started creating for myself after moving out 'on my own'. In college it's often called the freshman 20... i.e. the 20 pounds nearly every freshman gains after getting into college because of the sudden food freedom students get after moving out of their parents house. Unlike my college peers though, I went through my 'freshman 20' phase way before college while I was in the military, often eating an entire tray of Nutter Butters or Oreos for dinner while I studied in electronics school (I was still a slim 180lbs). After returning home from military training, I got a full time job which only made it worse.

Apple, celery, and carrot juice
MMMmmm

On my drive home just a few blocks from where I lived was a Jack in The Box, which was fast food heaven for me!! I'd usually buy enough food for 3 meals and would suffer what I called the Jack hangover the next morning! I think within the three or four years after high school I jumped from around 180 (my average weight) to around 210-220. In the 10 years since then, my weight's fluctuated between 210 and 250 ever since. During that time, I've done a whole slew of things that probably haven't had the best effects on my mind or metabolism. So, on day three of my fast, it's no surprise that I'm still suffering from headaches and small bouts of loopiness. I've always considered my diet to be moderately healthy, but when I sum up the months/years of unhealthy foods, the gorging and the spans of non-physical activity, I can see why my weight is where it's at.

My goal for when this is done is to focus on moderation over perfection. I tend to get hung up on the small details, and when I get burned out, all hell breaks loose with my habits and discipline. I think that's what happened as a teen... because my habits and routines with food and diet were so strict, they couldn't adapt to the changes that were happening in my life... so I let go of it all without realizing how much I was doing right. Praying it'll be different this time.